Don’t be afraid to walk away!
Written By: Lucas Tshokwe
According to the CDC, in the US alone, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men experience physical abuse by their intimate partner at some point during their life. This is a-lot of folx getting abused each year. While domestic violence can occur for various reasons, there should not be an excuse to tolerate it. Staying will not fix anything.
“When someone show you who they are, believe them the first time” - Maya Angelou
When our partners or relatives abuse us in any way, we have the tendency to make excuses for them. "Oh, he was not in his right head...",
"She is going through some challenges, i'll let it pass this time..."
"He pays the bills, so i should be obedient..."
It is natural for our brain to trick us into making excuses for other folx. In fact, a research by Paul van Donkelaar suggests that victims are often hesitant to seek help because of the stigma associated with intimate partner violence. It is toxic enough that the society we live in stigmatizes "walking away".
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That’s why it’s important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are” - Maya Angelou.
Why should YOU walk away?
Your mental Health is Priority
Domestic violence causes chronic mental damages. For instance, victims of domestic violence are likely to suffer from traumatic brain injuries. This leads to conditions such as PTSD, depression and anxiety. You don't have to go through this. Save yourself, and walk away....
You are WORTHY
It can be hard to understand our self-worth when we are abused by our partners. Thoughts like, "is something wrong with me?", "am i not worthy of a good relationship", "Have i done anything wrong to deserve this?", arise. Such thoughts arise, because no matter what we tend to think of ourselves as the first person. Although we truly are. But, in instances such as domestic violence, our partner's behavioral impairments have nothing to do with us.
A better life awaits you...
Life always gives us signals. Be it through our abusive partner or a toxic family member. Life always speaks to us and we ought to listen.
“If you surrender to the wind, it will hold you” - Toni Morison
Let me explain. So, often we want to stay in toxicity because we want to show toxic behavior that we can handle. But, really? it is not our battle to fight. Our journey in life has a manifold of multifaceted dimensions that each one is destined to transcend us to our best version possible. Our role in all of this, is to never take the signs that life gives us, lightly. Listen to your intuition and when someone slaps you they have shown you who they are. It's your queue to walk away.
A list of handful organizations that you can reach out to for support...
In the US,
The mission of ABA is to increase justice for victims of domestic violence , sexual assault and stalking by mobilizing the legal profession.
INCITE! aims to end domestic violence against women of color and their communities. By getting the surrounding communities involved, they are also raising awareness and inadvertently creating a society that values advocacy and activism. Donations can be made HERE.
National Coalition against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
The NCADV aims to lead, mobilize and raise awareness of supporting efforts that demand change of conditions that lead to domestic violence such as patriarchy, privilege, racism, sexism and classism. Donations can be made HERE.
International,
Aims to achieve legal and systemic change that addresses violence and discrimination against women and girls around the world. Donations can be made HERE.
Let’s BREAK the stigma and address domestic violence.